i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
