his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
