ya dads aren't the best wingmen
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
