I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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