Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
