what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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