Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
