you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
