i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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