The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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