she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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