I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
