This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I just sharted jello shots
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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