I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
