i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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