Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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