he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
