I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
