woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
