its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
