That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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