New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
