Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
