I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
