Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
whose ass print is on the piano?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
