Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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