I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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