WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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