True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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