i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
