I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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