I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
