The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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