My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
