I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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