I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
