PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
