Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
