sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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