I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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