This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
