They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
