If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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