you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
