On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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