im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
