True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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