It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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