I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
