I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
