she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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