girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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