Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
